So here's the thing.
Over the last seven months, I've been disassembling personal obstacles like there is no tomorrow. So much has come to the surface for me over this time, huge emotional hurdles that I had NO idea were there. In this time I've learnt things about myself, things that I thought I'd let go of long long ago but instead they'd been very well hidden and remained embedded within. Turns out I'd built incredibly elaborate cave-like structures to keep them out of everyday sight. Caves that, over time, became well obscured by thick tangled vines. As I was contentedly walking along my jungle path, I began to notice these thick vines that seemed to grow more dense as I wandered on. I didn't order this! I said to my heart. I cut them back but they grew thicker the more I walked on. Heart, I called out, WT-EFF, this isn't right! Is this my path? It must be someone else's. What is this bullshit, am I lost? I don't want to be here anymore!
Me, climbing a ginormous rock on the edge of the Hawkesbury River, photo by Elemental Explorer & creative collaborator Midnight Blue, January 2018.
The more I stalked on, pushing through and slashing through the vines, the more tired I became. Everything in my life felt like it was falling apart. I felt overwhelmed, I couldn't breathe. My inner warrior was losing all its strength.
Finally with shoulders slumped, I dropped down, feeling utterly defeated.
What's the difference between defeat and surrender? I wondered. What's the difference between surrender and acceptance? I pondered. I had no energy left to do anything but sit and look around.
And that's when I noticed the caves.
They were beautiful spaces - but of course, I'd make them so! Which made me laugh at myself. Because now I've learnt creating such visual wonder can be a great way of masking one's truth.
As I regained my energy bit by bit, one by one I entered each cave. I looked at what I'd kept hidden all these years. It's unbelievable fascinating, to say the very least. And I feel ready to share my findings.
I know many of us are in this collectively - we may not share the same history or experiences, but we share a heart journey, and what I feel and am able to express is a light beam you can count on to help see your way ahead.
I'm going to share my findings in lots of different ways in coming days and months - in my new work, in journal posts here, on instagram and in instagram stories (yes, I've broken through my mental block on talking to camera and I'M DOIN' IT! I may be a quiet voice among the booming ones but I'm not going to let that stop me from using what I have).
And I've been quietly working on my website this year - it's always been such a strong expression of my creativity over the years and it's exciting to be able to direct these new findings into my offerings already.
I'm super excited to let you know I have re-structured my consultation and mentoring packages so there are options for everyone. I don't want anyone to miss out on the opportunity to follow their heart, it's the core of everything. It's our magic and when we let it out, we become human beams.
In other news, I'll be announcing two awesome collaborations! Like a child, I am jumping up and down with joy and anticipation, I want to burst out with all of it now.
Another change to my online presence is the newsletter - I'm ditching it, it was just not the right medium for me so instead, I'll be writing here in my journal, and those of you signed up via email will receive this straight to your inbox. It will mean you will hear from me more openly, with no newsletter marketing & salesy prompting. I'll just blab it all out here and you can wander through my website at your own heart's desire. There's lots to peruse now, like my old (blog)house (remember that?!!)... except now, it's a boat. And I'm ready to drop anchor.
photo by Elemental Explorer & creative collaborator Midnight Blue, January 2018.
With so much love,
Pia xx