On Monday, I posted the above photo you see here in the frame on my studio shelf on instagram, with the message "we are human beams" written over it, creating the hashtag #wearehumanbeams. In the week leading up to posting this photograph, I was feeling these words resonate strongly through me. As I felt the powerful energy and importance of the meaning of these words, this moment I captured in this photograph came to mind. It was almost exactly 3 years ago. My Mum had just passed away, and I had taken Laly to my parents to assist my Dad with household changes. Perhaps we were staying there, I can't remember the details of that time, I just remember the intensity, the fatigue and how surreal it felt, like I was walking between worlds. I spent quite some time looking for this image in my archives, wondering if it was how I remembered it and my heart felt expansive when I found it: seeing the beauty and awe of that moment. When I took this photo, through the tidal wave of grief, I remember how it pulled me up to the surface - to the present - as I stood captivated by how my daughter's human form connected & communicated so wondrously with the sun, the sea and the sand. It felt like I'd witnessed a moment of real-life magic. I could see the sunlight radiate through her skin and her inner glow play with this light, encouraging it, nurturing it. There she stood before me as a human BEAM.
This is what I saw, and this is what I posted.
However within a few minutes of posting it, I had someone I'd not heard from before called Vivienne comment something along the lines of "I wish you'd be more circumspect when choosing photos of Laly, this is inappropriate". It pissed me off, I admit, but I took a moment to reflect on her comment and try to see things from her perspective. I wrote a reply along the lines of, "I was absolutely circumspect when choosing to post this image. I understand some people see things differently, I respect that". I got the impression that she too respected that and I thought we had resolved our differences. But when I awoke the next morning, my photograph had been removed by instagram, along with all the comments - most of which I had not read because I was asleep - and I was and still am locked out from using the hashtag I created #wearehumanbeams.
That got me really pissed off.
Then I sat with my feelings. And so much came up...
Feeling shamed, feeling like someone told me I was a bad parent, feeling like I'd been disciplined for something wrong that I didn't do, feeling like I wasn't good enough, feeling like I hadn't understood something, feeling confused, feeling violated, feeling misunderstood.
How often had I been misunderstood in my early life? I think that's why I have spent all these years strengthening my ability to communicate clearly, to ensure that if there is a misunderstanding, I know that I've done everything in my power to communicate clearly.
Anyway after the anger began to dissolve, I felt the powerful energy of the experience sink in. "Sure", I thought, "I get it". I can see life from other perspectives - again, it's something I have found as an important attribute to work on in life - and I'm all for safety, and I'm absolutely all for keeping our children safe.
But this? So much strength came forth after the anger released. I realised that this behaviour, these emotional reactions from people, these restrictions from companies like instagram are EXACTLY why there are so many incredible souls too scared to be themselves, to let their creativity shine, to lead a creative, heart-centered life.
"Why can't you see what I see?" I wondered. It was really perplexing, I struggled to understand what was happening. But that's when it hit me like a brick: they aren't connected to their centre.
For me, I chose to post this photograph because of the art. For me, and so many of us I know, we are seeing the art, the beauty. But others simply can't see this - all they can see is a photo of a nude child. And that brings up all sorts of deeply disturbing emotions for them. Feelings they are too scared to feel, too scared to allow come up to the surface. They can't connect to their hearts, it's just too confronting.
I know there are deeply damaged souls out there. And I understand that the people who report photographs like mine think they are doing good, that they are protecting me and/or my child. I understand they think they know something that I don't know. That I am naïve and vulnerable, and that they know better. But I know that removing this type of photograph - of which I was very discriminating in selecting to communicate the concept of being a human beam - will NOT stop damaged souls from feeding their addictions. What this action does is even more damaging: It stops authenticity, art, talent and beauty from shining in an increasingly dark world. This action and the actions of these major communication companies are feeding the fear in the world - fear of seeing & experiencing life differently, of not conforming, of not standing out from the crowd. This behaviour stifles freedom and disconnects us from our heart centres.
